Bryan, Books and Boxers
by Nirianne
Summary: Prequel to: Bryan, what the hell? Bryan thought being more famous was a smart move! Signing a book deal with a major publishing company, his dreams came true. Invited to a book signing, how would the Russian Falcon deal with his fans? One-shot. R&R!


**A/N:** This is a prequel to _Bryan, what the hell?_ Hur hur hur, I told you people that there will be a prequel to it and here it is! Brace yourself for extreme craziness and other odd things that I could possibly conjure up! Oh as another note, the dialogue is spoken in Russian. It'll be in English when I say so! It'll be better if I knew Russian, lol. Have fun reading and don't forget to review! ;)

Another note: да (pronounced 'd-aa' is 'Yes').

…And now the author can go shoot herself XD

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

* * *

**Bryan, Books and Boxers**

Tala face-palmed, Spencer shuffled and Ian tingled with excitement! The three boys stared at Bryan who just signed a book deal with a major publishing company. His book was entitled, _Bryan Kuznetsov: The Russian Falcon_. As the pen left the page, Bryan shook hands with the three men who reviewed policies Bryan should be aware about. Of course, the teen understood the hazards: copyright stuff, yadda, yadda, yadda, same old, same old. Thanking the men one last time, he generously guided them to the door. Wow… Bryan got a book deal? Let's get this straight: Bryan does _not_ read books. Bryan buys hardcore magazines! Bryan reads pictures _not_ words so why did the moron (as Tala put it) sign a book deal? Disaster was only waiting in the wings... Bryan's fate was probably signed, sealed and possibly delivered_**to bite him back in the ass**_**.**

"Friends, friends," Bryan approached his buddies getting in between Spencer and Tala slipping his arms around both of them. "This is the best idea I've had!"

"And the most idiotic…" Tala mumbled.

"I agree with Bryan!" Ian added brightly. "Well in a sense, we need the money since we're running low on funds…"

Yes, that was correct. Bryan did this because he was low on funds. Why? His bank account was frozen! Some idiot (nobody's pointing fingers here) bought a **ton** of hardcore magazines online from Germany and exceeded their account's limits! The only other people who had a considerable amount of funds were Tala and Spencer. Ian's funds were dwindling since the teen couldn't stop himself from buying new sci-fi novels. Really, does he need more novels when his room was basically an unorganized library? Whatever. Tala huffed, walking to the window with arms crossed.

"Well, do whatever you want Bryan as long as it doesn't affect the team. Just make sure you don't write anything _stupid_ that will bite us in the ass, got it?"

He shot him the death glare making it _clear_ that if Bryan revealed something embarrassing or secrets, Bryan equaled dead. Spencer, who remained silent the entire time agreed with Tala; he knew when Bryan talks, the teen couldn't keep his mouth shut! Why does Spencer know? Last time Bryan and him went on a double date, Bryan accidently spilled one of Spencer's deepest, darkest secrets. The result of that date led Spencer being dumped and Bryan was almost turned into dust…

"Trust me Tala," Bryan stood up and yawned. Heading toward the stairs he spoke confidently, "Everything will be fine, trust me! Since when was I ever wrong?"

Six months after Bryan signed the book deal, his book was published. Why did it take so fast? Answer: Ian. Who else could write the book within record time? Bryan was the one who provided the details and what not! Writing the book in full English was a challenge to him hence Ian. Bryan's writing at best was compared to a high school student with extremely poor grammatical skills. Even though Bryan was in high school he never paid attention in English classes. Well, scratch that; Bryan _never_ paid attention in general, period.

Bryan stood in front the local bookstore with hands on his hips, staring at the huge banner:

**BRYAN KUZNETSOV BOOK SIGNING TODAY!**

He could feel money (and girls) piling up at his feet (someone's head was in the clouds, don't you think?)! He just imagined it; if he racked up enough money he could finally,_ finally_ go to the Playboy mansion and well, you get the rest. Besides, his main goal today was to get girls' numbers. Hearing footsteps from behind, he turned around spotting Tala, Spencer and Ian in suits?

"What are you guys doing here? You came to get my autograph?" Bryan said cheekily receiving a sigh from Tala.

"Moral support," Removing the blazer and necktie, Tala threw it over his shoulder. He hated dressing formal. Of course the morons at the publishing company urged the rest of the Blitzkrieg Boys to come and support him. The boys never liked public appearances unless they were related to beyblading.

It was a strange sight to see all members of the Blitzkrieg Boys dressed up formally in suits. Eyes fell on each of them; mostly on Tala (who radiated the 'bad boy' appeal) whose hair was neatly combed and gelled. Plus, he had the most adorable scowl on his face. Girls around him were beginning to giggle and blush. Bryan didn't look too bad either wearing a black suit with an open blazer and a semi-formal shirt inside. He purposely didn't button several buttons; it's for the ladies. Spencer and Ian looked like penguins! And for once, Ian didn't have the thick, nerdy goggles.

Spencer cleared his throat. Speaking in English he said (or more like warned), "Ian and I will be waiting inside. Try not to get killed."

"I won't," Bryan casually replied ignoring his friend's concerns. "I have ways with the girls."

Rolling his eyes Spencer turned to Ian, "Let's go."

Tala checked his wristwatch then turned his attention to Bryan, "Don't let it get to your head." Placing a firm grip on Bryan's shoulder he warned, "And if _anything_ about us slips out…"

"I'll be dead in my sleep and you will feed me to the wolves. Right, got it,"

Tala rolled his eyes and left, joining his friends. Waiting for them were bottles of vodka and shot glasses. Perfect. Now they just had to wait for things to get very interesting…

Around two o'clock there was a _long_ line up outside the bookstore consisted of women. The teens inside remained calm and collected albeit, each one of them sensed something big was going to happen. They heard Bryan outside greeting his fans, giving them hugs and taking pictures. And let's not forget: Bryan was asking for _each _girl's number.

Chugging down several shots of vodka Spencer glanced up, "I sense something ominous, don't you?"

"It's expected," Ian downed two shots.

"I don't feel like saving his ass if something goes wrong," Tala added snatching the bottle from Spencer's hand, chugging down vodka goodness.

The crowd outside grew _wild!_ The girls were screaming Bryan's name while he tried his best to please everybody with his charming comments. He called each girl: beautiful, gorgeous, hot, sexy—you name it. He was a ladies' man (and yes he was). After much talk, book signing began. Bryan was having the time of his life! Signing books for the girls made him very, very happy. With each signature given, each girl gave him her phone number along with a kiss to his cheek. Everything was going well until a woman approached him. He stopped, dropped the pen and looked up. Oh god, standing in front of him was this really, really, _really_, super model-esque, hot lady. Enlarged bosoms, tall, blonde, blue eyed woman—the entire package! Damn, downright _hot_.

"Hey there little boy," she teased tracing her finger along his jaw line. "Mind signing for me?"

"да…" Bryan nodded. Commence drooling sequence.

The woman smiled. Removing her long fur coat, she dropped it on the floor. Beneath she wore a tight, white floral halter top and a long white and grey embroidered skirt. Lifting up the skirt up to her thigh she pointed to the area she wanted.

"Sign here, love." Bryan barely paid attention; instead he caught a glimpse of her pink and white g-string.

Behind Bryan, hiding around the corner, Ian witnessed everything (and was in awe). Needless to say, his nose was a running faucet of red. _God, Bryan sure has ways with women…_ Plugging his nose with his fingers, he reported to Tala and Spencer. Bryan making a fool of himself—check. Bryan drooling—check. Bryan going to do something stupid—check. Tala and Spencer chugged down more vodka—check.

Bryan couldn't stop drooling. Standing in front of him was this _hot_ woman allowing him to sign on her skin. She smelled so good! When he was done, she leaned over delivering an unexpected French kiss. She whispered her number to him. Backing away she winked, picked up her coat, blew a kiss and left.

_Hot._ This was the only thing he managed to think of.

Things got interesting when more and more girls wanted Bryan to sign their skin. Almost each one said they would immediately go tattoo his signature. Wow. Not only things were getting hectic (and downright outrageously crazy), things were getting physical. The girls surrounded Bryan, hoping to get a piece of him. The table protected him no more.

"H-Hey ladies, there's enough of me go around!" Bryan said nervously. The girls were getting a bit 'grabby' if you know what I mean.

"Bryan sign here!"

"Me first!"

"Hey I was here! Move to the side!"

"Shove it, harlot!"

"Excuse me?"

"L-Ladies…?"

Welcome to hell, Bryan. A cat fight erupted between the fans and Bryan was caught in the middle of it. Fearing for his safety, he stood up trying to calm them down but that backfired; suddenly _all_ eyes fell on him.

By accident he spoke in English. "Girls, why are you looking at me like that?" Now _that_ caught everybody's attention. The girls _loved_ Bryan's accent when he spoke English. They _loved_ foreign languages. "Girls?"

One of the girls launched herself at him, over the table with arms wrapped around his neck. Falling on his behind, one by one girls launched onto him. In the bookstore, everybody heard Bryan's screams and the girls' voices, trying to get a piece of the so-called 'Russian Falcon'. Tala, Spencer and Ian listened with smirks forming. Ah, nothing like shots of vodka and Bryan's screaming to calm the nerves… and for the record, they were _very_ good friends not coming to help.

He crawled out from under the pile of bodies heaving, gasping for air. The girls were too busy trying to get a piece of him until he slipped out from his blazer. Well, there goes an expensive blazer. Standing up, he dusted himself. Being famous sure was dangerous, he thought adjusting his cuffs. His freedom was cut short the moment a girl latched onto his leg. Freaking out, he tried shaking her off.

Thinking quick he said, "You can have my shoe as a memorabilia!"

Bingo! She fell for the bait! Removing the expensive shoes, Bryan made a run for it! He didn't want to know what would happen if he stuck around! Slipping around corners, he leaned by the walls taking in deep breaths. God, this was _insane!_ This was supposed to be a friendly book signing! Ugh! All of this went horribly wrong! Although he couldn't dismiss the fact he got to meet a very attractive woman's whose number was burned into his mind. With a smug look on his face, he stuck his hands in his pockets and walked in the mall dismissing weird looks from passersby. Yes, he had no shoes on whatsoever.

Walking into a Starbucks, he ordered himself an x-large mocha latte. He needed one. Arriving at the cashier, he was about to pull out his wallet until…

"Where the hell is my wallet?"

Could today get any worse? Yes! The woman on the other side of the counter recognized Bryan's face. Without warning, she launched onto him showering him with kisses on his cheeks.

She squealed, "**Eeeeeeeeeee!** You're Bryan from the Blitzkrieg Boys! You're one of my favorite bladers!"

"Yes… I am… can you please get off me? I can't breathe."

Quickly yanking him up, she hugged him. Errr, okay this was awkward. With his mocha latte ready what was he going to do? He doesn't have any money and bingo! An idea dawned on him!

Clearing his throat he looked down at the woman around his waist. Lifting up her chin he said in his most sincere voice, "If I sign a copy of my book and give it to you, could I have the mocha latte for free?"

Bryan, are you an idiot?

BEST. MOVE. EVER! Snatching the drink from the counter, she gave it to him waiting for him to sign his book.

"Where's your book?" she asked with an eyebrow raised.

He totally didn't think that through. It wasn't like he was going to waltz back to the bookstore! Scratching the back of his head and with a sheepish grin plastered on his face, he thought of another (brilliant) idea.

"I can sign your breasts!"

Thrown out of Starbucks followed by his mocha latte, Bryan did _not_ expect that! Standing up, he sighed at the mess; there was his mocha latte spilled on the floor. Suddenly there were voices coming from behind him. Eh, they sounded quite familiar. Turning around, his eyes were as large and wide as dinner platters. His fan club found him!

"Oh… Shit."

At seven-thirty that night, Bryan returned home in one piece. He entered with a new pair of boxers. His hair was a mess, his face was covered with kisses and there were more scratches on his body than a cat's scratching post. Never again did he want to do that. Ever. Tala looked up from the TV hiding his smirk.

"How was it?" he asked with (slight) concern. Not.  
"Hell…"

"I see that the girls took everything from you. Even you're lucky boxers."

"They did…"

"How did you manage to get new ones?" Ian asked, peering from his laptop. He was just watching a clip of Bryan being mauled by the girls.

"I pleaded on my knees and had to sign over a hundred autographs…"

"You got that right," Ian returned his attention back to the clip. This was priceless! An instant fav! _Click!_

Spencer walked out of the kitchen and eyes immediately fell on Bryan. Wow.

Placing the food on the dinner table he said nonchalantly, "Being _too_ famous is a bitch isn't it?"

Bryan nodded hauling his carcass up the stairs. Turning around to his so called 'buddies' he spoke in English, "Females are crazy bitches."

And with that said, Bryan crawled up the stairs, into his room and was never seen again for the rest of the night.


End file.
